Chapter 46
36: Worthless
<<. Selena. >>
I sigh in content as I lay in bed. I don’t know what it is. But I am feeling a strange bliss right now. I literally cannot remember when was the last time I had sex–this intense–with someone. It’s been a long–long time. I went on dates and made out with men. But sex itself – it’s been long.
M walks away from me, and I hear a click of the bathroom door. I grin like a fool and slide the blindfold above my eyes.
How long will we play this game?
Will we divorce each other without even seeing one’s faces?
No, I decide, I would like to see him. Not now, because I’m enjoying this. But later–I would like to see his face.
I turn on my back and wince at the tingling sensation. My body is warm at spots where he spanked and flogged me. It wasn’t too hard. Each blow was calculated. Was the sex intense because I was flogged for the first time? Or is it because M knows how to use his
tools?
I come out of my reverie with a sound behind the bathroom door. I slide the blindfold on my eyes again, and all of a sudden, I become painfully aware of my naked body.
My scar. My stretch marks. My imperfect body. With no clothes to hide behind, every insecurity comes rushing back at me. I grab the sheet and make a futile attempt to cover myself.
Oh Hell!
–
He can watch me as if he didn’t fuck my brains out barely a few minutes ago–I know I am thinking absurdly, but my mind doesn’t
know any better.
I try to untangle and unfold the sheet and pull it over my body. I guess it’s high time to go back home before I can ruin this blissful feeling by overthinking or he ruins it by saying something stupid–which usually my dates do.
Wait a minute…
Is this a date or just a hookup? Hookup with my husband… I snort, thinking how absurd this sounds.
“What are you doing? Are you cold?”
My head whiplashes towards the voice.
“I… No… I just wanted something on my body,” I stammer and breathe heavily as a strange sense of excitement rolls all over me. I feel
his hand wrap around my ankle and he pulls me hard. I shriek as I slides towards the edge of the bed.
“Oh, my God! A little warning M!” I yelp and sit up. Then I try to pull the sheet around to cover my breasts.
“Did I scare you?” He asks and pulls the sheet away.
Fucking great! I awkwardly fold my arms to my chest.
“Wh- What are you doing?” I ask as he widens my legs and I yelp when I feel a damp warm cloth to my core.
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Oh Wow! It feels good. I hadn’t realized I was sore.
Just cleaning you.”
“Nobody did that for me before.”
It feels odd and too intimate. Why am I even allowing this? I am totally capable of doing this.
“Did you get cuddles, at least?” He asks, and I flush. Memories of disaster dates come rushing back to me.
I tell him it’s been almost a year, and he responds in a barely audible voice, “Oh fuck.”
My mind runs a million miles and I try to understand what it means. Was I bad in bed? My face turns hot with shame and
embarrassment.
“Get up,” he says and tugs my arm, and I stand up and wince a little.
He traces my spine with a finger and murmurs, “You have been a good girl, Selena.”
uhmmm Thank you?
He turns my back towards him and touches some sore spots.
“You have beautiful curves…” Then he squeezes my ass in his palm and asks in a low voice, “Do you have one more orgasm in you?”
My lips part and I turn my face towards his voice. My breath is shallow again.
Did he enjoy it as much as I did? Is he just being nice?
Oh God, I am overthinking again.
I–I will faint. This blindfold is making me sleepy…” and lightheaded.
He chuckles and I feel a cold gel being spread on one spot.
What’s that?” I moan. It feels good.
Just some aloe–vera ointment… One spot might be bruised.”
Oh…
“You do this with everyone you play?” I ask.
“Yes. It’s a Dom’s duty. Aftercare is a must.. especially after impact play..”
Why have I never heard anything about it?
“I literally know nothing about the ABC of BDSM,” I admit, and he laughs.
“You will learn.. soon enough.”
Then he guides me towards the bathroom and says, “You can remove the blindfold when you come out.”
“And Selena.” I turn.
“We will stay for the night and I will do one thing before you go to sleep. So be prepared,” He says in a strange, firm voice and a
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shiver passes down my body.
I am unsure, but I nod anyway.
I remove the blindfold and wince when the bright light hits my eyes. I glance at the mirror and shake my head. My makeup is smeared and I indeed look like a mess.
Shut, to be precise.
I cringe, trying to remember if I ever liked name calling before?
Nope.
I have always dated gentlemen who usually turned out to be assholes. Everything about M and things I am allowing him to do is really out of character for me. I look around and, to my relief, I see a makeup remover and a face lotion in the bathroom cabinet. I pickup the bottles and check for the content.
Expensive ones!
This place is indeed fancy.
I wash my face and relieve myself. Then examine my back in the mirror. There are faint patches of pink on my ass and back. One spot is a little darker than the other. The one where M applied ointment. I smile.
I did enjoy this.
After freshening up, I wrap a towel around myself.
“I will do one thing before you go to sleep. So be prepared.” He had told me. His tone and voice was a little different as if he wasn’t being gentle and playful with me barel a minute ago. What has he planned for me?
1 open the door with a little anxiety rising up inside me. When I walk out I see M is no longer in the room. I look around only to figure out hus clothes are all gone.
I feel a pang of hurt and anger rise up in my chest. I blink profusely to stop the tears breaking out. So many emotions hit me at once. Doubt, confusion, shame… I feel ugly and worthless.
I pick up my clothes from the floor while breathing heavily. I wasn’t expecting anything more from him. Why did he leave like this?
