Chapter 147
Chapter 147
JESSICA
“Seriously?”
:
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Riot barks a laugh somewhere to my left, but I barely hear him. Grayson’s too close. When he broke down earlier, my heart shattered in a million pieces.
Seeing him cry for me makes me question if I deserved him. I’m too fucked up for Grayson Westwood but he didn’t care about that.
He’s always there for me, saving my ass. I didn’t believe him when he said to me that he loves me because I saw many versions of love but his version always makes me go back to questioning my love for him.
My eyes flicked to him once–stupid, stupid–and he was already there, already looking at me like he’s so afraid I’ll just run away from him like I always do.
What did I do to deserve him?
Sometimes I wonder if I prayed so hard or that he just loves me. Whatever it is, I think I’ll take it.
“I…I don’t really think you should tie Riot-”
– Tighten the rope!” Grayson shouted and I licked my lips, trying to stop myself from tearing this…beautiful
reunion.
He saw us. It will take a fool to know why he’s acting like this. He saw me and Riot earlier.
“Grayson, he’s fine-”
He looked at me and when he did, all the reasons that I loved him were gone. Sometimes, it’s like I’m loving two versions of him. Grayson is too soft for me but cruel to others. “Why, Jess?”
“Huh?”
I said it without thinking. I knew what he meant. Of course I did. But I couldn’t say it. Couldn’t answer while my throat burned like that. While he looked at me like he already knew and was still asking anyway.
I swallowed hard. My hands went cold. My jaw clenched, like if I just held it tight enough I could stop my whole face from falling apart.
“Don’t,” I whispered.
“I can understand everything,” he said, softer now. “But I can never understand why you let Riot touch you.”
That tore through me.
“Grayson, I didn’t-“I stepped forward. His face broke a little, just a twitch, just enough to ruin me. “I thought Host everything. I thought I lost you.”
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Chapter 147
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His eyes glistened but he didn’t blink. He was doing that thing he does, breathing through pain like it doesn’t matter as long as I’m okay. But I could see it. In the pinch at the corners of his mouth. The way his fists stayed clenched by his sides instead of reaching for me. Grayson always reaches for me.
“You touched him,” he said, and it wasn’t accusatory. It was wrecked. Like he was trying to understand something that didn’t make sense. “You let him.”
I choked. My lips parted but nothing came out. Because I had let Riot hold me. I let myself lean into it for one second too long. I let myself feel safe in something that wasn’t him.
“I didn’t mean to.” It was the only thing I could say. The only thing I could offer without falling apart. “I was scared. I wasn’t thinking. It just… it happened.”
“You let it happen,” he said.
“Grayson,” I said. “Please don’t look at me like that. I didn’t stop loving you.”
He breathed out, sharp, like that cracked something deeper.
“Did you forget how to?” he asked, barely louder than a breath. “Or was it just easier?”
I blinked. My chest collapsed inward. I stepped close enough to feel his body heat but didn’t touch him. I was afraid he’d pull away. He never pulled away before.
“I’ll fix it,” I whispered. “I’ll fix this.”
Grayson took a deep breath. It pains me when he pulls away just enough for me to realize I’m starting to lose him. “Do you know what I was thinking all this time, Jess?”
Moon goddess, please.
He stared at the ground for a second. Then at me. Then through me.
“I was thinking that you could be anything,” he said. “You could be a storm. You could be my undoing. You could burn this pack to the ground and I’d still fucking want you.”
My breath caught.
“You could lie to me again, and I’d still come back. You could break me in half, Jess. And I’d still try to find a way to make it fit again.”
His chest rose, shaky. He laughed. Bitter. Soft. Broken.
“God, you scare the shit out of me.”
“Grayson…”
He stepped in then.
“You could ruin everything, Jess. This pack. My name. My future. And the worst part?” His voice dropped. “I’d forgive you. I’d clean the blood off your hands and pull you behind me. I’d take the hit for you and say it was
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mine.”
Tears pricked hot at the corner of my eyes. I tried to blink them back, but one slipped free.
“I don’t know how to stop loving you,” he said. “Even when I should.”
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I reached for him again. This time I touched him. Just the edge of his shirt, two fingers curling in like I was asking permission to still be allowed here.
He let me.
“What are you doing?” I broke. “What are you saying, Grayson?”
Grayson’s hand lifted slowly. He cupped the side of my face, fingers slipping into my hair. “I think you’ve known this for a long time, Jess…”
He took a breath. Hold it. Let it out like it hurts to even speak. “I think I know it too.”
“You’re wrong.”
He shook his head. “You’re confused, Jess. Between Riot and me, I think you’re having doubts—”
“Grayson-”
“No,” he said, not loud, but sharp enough to stop me. His hand stayed on my cheek. His thumb brushed under my eye like he was memorizing me. Like he already knew this was the last time he’d be this close.
“Don’t do that,” he whispered. “Don’t lie to me just to keep me. I’d rather you leave than stay out of guilt.”
“I’m not staying out of guilt.”
“Then why does it feel like I’m begging you just to look at me the same?”
My breath hitched. I tried to pull away, but his hand held firm. “Do you love him?”
“Riot?” I asked, even though I knew.
He nodded once. Just once.
I didn’t answer,
“You hesitated,” he said quietly. “That’s all I needed.”
Tears stung, hot and sudden. “You think this is easy for me? You think I wanted any of this?”
“I think you want him.” His voice didn’t rise. “And I think I’ll never be enough for you, no matter how hard I try.”
“Stop it,” I said, but it came out like a sob. “You’re my mate! You said it yourself, okay? You’re my mate!”
“Am I?”
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Chapter 147
That stopped me.
“You let him touch you.” His voice went lower. Rougher. “You didn’t stop him.”
“It wasn’t like that—”
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“It doesn’t matter.” He stepped forward. Just one step. His scent hit me full. Alpha. Grayson. Mine. “You made your choice. And I saw it.”
“I didn’t choose anything-”
“Yes, you did.” His hand came up, not to touch me, but to stop me. “Yes, you did Jess. You fucking did.”
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Chapter 148
