JESSICA
The wind burned my cheeks as we moved, but I couldn’t stop touching him.
His fur was damp from the morning dew, but it still smelled like him–wild and sharp and impossibly familiar. I let my fingers tangle through the thuch tufts around his neck. He exhaled a low, rumbling breath as I leaned into his warmth.
For the first time in days, I wasn’t angry. Or scared. Or trying to pretend I didn’t miss him. I just… existed. With him.
I didn’t know where we were going. I didn’t ask. Maybe I didn’t care. It was stupid, wasn’t it? Letting him take me. Letting myself want this. Want him.
After everything–after Theo, after Aria, after the mind–reading confession that shattered everything I thought I knew I should’ve been running in the opposite direction.
But instead, I held on tighter.
Because for the first time in days, no one was yelling. No one was cornering me or threatening me or reminding me that I’d always be second–best
There was just the cold. The trees. The sound of his breath. And me.
I let my eyes flutter shut for a second, my forehead resting against the side of his neck.
What the hell are we doing?
I didn’t know. Maybe I didn’t want to.
His pace slowed suddenly, and my eyes snapped open.
Oh.
The clearing was exactly as I remembered–but not. Moonflowers spilled across the forest floor like fallen stars, their silvery petals catching the golden rays of the sun.
My fingers trembled against his fur as he crouched, letting me slide off.
“This is manipulation,” I said aloud, my voice thin in the quiet cleating. “You know that, right? Bringing me here after what happened.”
He turned, those wolf eyes impossibly expressive–hurt, defiant, pleading.
“Don’t give me that look. You know exactly what you’re doing.”
He padded silently after me, his massive wolf form somehow managing to look apologetic. Which was ridiculous. Wolves can’t look apologetic. Except Grayson–as–wolf somehow did.
“I should hate you right now.” My voice cracked embarrassingly. “You kissed Aria infront of everyone but…Logan told me it wasn’t your fault.”
He did. I just can’t get those images off my mind. It stings a lot knowing Aria can have him in ways that I probably won’t. Not in this lifetime anyway.
My eyes burned. I blinked rapidly, focusing on the cool breeze against my hot cheeks, the distant call of birds, anything but the storm inside me.
“I want to run away from you and run toward you at the same time. How messed up is that?”
Grayson lowered his massive head and rested it on my lap, those wolf eyes looking up at me. I guess we were the same. We just can’t meet halfway
Moon goddess, it’s so fucking hard.
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Chapter 64
The forest around us blurred as tears finally spilled over. I wiped them away furiously, angry at myself for being so weak
“Let’s break up for real Grayson,” I whispered, snuggling closer even as I said those words. I don’t know how many heartbreaks võs have to sitter re realize we are not for each other. “I can’t I can’t keep pretending this will work.”
He growled, the vibration rumbling through my thighs where his head rested. Before I could process what was happening, he pulled away, his mantive form shifting in a blur of fur and muscle and magic.
“The bell we are,” he said, now human, crouched before me with only scraps of dignity preserved. His eyes–still wolf–wild–locked onto mine. “You don‘ get to decide this alone.”
I knew that was going to work. When he tried to touch my face, I can only look away before both of us could hurt again.”
“Look at me, Jess.”
I shook my head, feeling pathetic. “I can’t.”
by he
“Why not?” His voice dropped lower, that dangerous edge that always made something inside me curl and tighten.
“Because if I look at you then I can’t do this for real.”
I can’t break up with him for real. I can’t tell him I don’t want anything to do with him anymore. I’ll be out in my mind in seconds getting drowned by his
kisses.
“So you’d rather run? Again?” He was closer now, his breath warm against my ear. “That’s always your answer, isn’t it? When things get messy, Jess bolts.”
I jerked away, suddenly furious. “Don’t you dare. You don’t get to make me the villain when you’re the one-
”
My voice cracked, and I hated myself for it. For being this broken thing because of him. Again and again and again.
His fingers trembled as they hovered near my cheek, not quite touching. “When I’m the what? Say it.”
The tears came faster now, hot trails down my face. “When you’re the one who keeps hurting me!”
His face fell and so does my heart. However, I need to do this. For real. For us.
“You keep hurting me,” I repeated, softer this time. My throat burned. “And I keep letting you.”
Grayson stepped back, running both hands through his hair. Goddess, I’d traced those same paths with my own fingers just last week. How did we always end up here?
“That’s not fair, Jess.” His voice was hurt. “You know that’s not what I want.”
What you want. What you want. The words ricocheted in my head, a pinball of anger.
“I can’t keep doing this, Grayson. I’m so tired of being hurt by just loving you.” A tear slipped down my cheek, and I angrily swiped it away. Why do I keep
on crying?
“You’re not-” he started, then stopped. Frustration flashed across his face. “Goddammit, Jess. You don’t understand.”
I perfectly understand now.
Something broke in his expression then. The hard lines of anger softened into something raw and vulnerable that made my chest ache.
“I’m scared,” he admitted, so quietly I almost missed it. “Every time things get good between us, I wait for it to fall apart. And then I-”
“You make it fall apart first,” I finished for him, understanding washing over me in a cold wave. “So you can control when it happens.”
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Chapter 65
Chapter 65
