Chapter 13
One letter, written not long after they had left Pittsburgh, explained how from the day he had kissed her following her ultrasound, he had realized he had been falling in love with her. At first, he had told himself it was only because of the situation and the strange, intimate way they were all together. He still loved his wife, and a part of him always would, but it was not the same. His affection for Mindy did not compare to the love he had for Famke, according to what he wrote. He found himself constantly comparing the two. One woman who saw only the negative in everything, miserable and dejected and who carried the dark cloud of her mental illness everywhere she went. The other woman, vibrant and self-assured, seeking the positive in every situation, despite how desperate the outcome might be. The love he had for his wife was that of a young love, college kids who didn’t know what they would become. The love he had for Famke was deeply passionate, primal, and yet, based on a solid foundation of respect and friendship. He genuinely liked her as a person. They shared a sense of humour and a firm belief in family. He wanted nothing more than to build a life with her.
Another letter explained how Mindy had suspected his feelings of Famke and during her short mental break, she had accused him of wanting to sleep with their surrogate. He had denied it, of course, not wanting to cause anyone further stress given the circumstances. Mindy had boldly stated if he ever left her for the surrogate, she would make sure his entire family knew Famke was a homewrecker, securing the reality his family would never accept the woman into their fold. She had insisted they renege on the agreement of keeping Famke as a friend and forced him to agree to leave her behind, a decision he bitterly regretted. This decision was one he brought up in multiple letters.
She was reeling as she lay on her bed staring at the ceiling the last of the letters in her fingertips. She looked at her phone and noted it was midnight. She sent a text message to the number Royal had called her from the week before, letting him know she had received the package and was stunned by the
information contained within. Within seconds her phone rang, and she answered it.
“Hello?”
“You’re still up? Don’t you have an early morning tomorrow?”
She frowned wondering if he knew her work schedule. “Yes, but I got caught up reading these letters. This is,” she swallowed fighting the emotions she was feeling, “a lot to take in. I understand now why you thought we had an affair. I promise you; I never knew.”
“Come on. Do you expect me to believe my brother was in love with you and you had no idea?”
“I swear I didn’t,” she paused, “he kissed me once.”
“I knew it.”
“You don’t understand. He’d been saying how much he wanted a little girl. He came to the ultrasound. Mindy didn’t want to go because she had a migraine and asked us to bring her home photos. The tech told us it was a girl, and, in his excitement, he kissed me, and it was less than a few seconds.” She paused, “Royal, it was the first and only time and not once after that, was he ever, even remotely, inappropriate
with me. Not once. He was the consummate gentleman. Even when I gave birth, he stayed by my head and didn’t go near my waist or lower. He was always respectful. The emotions he portrays in these letters are a stark contrast to what he ever said to me in person.”
“It doesn’t make sense. You led him on. It’s the only explanation.”
“I didn’t,” she heard the anger in his voice and her own exasperation was making her weepy. “For the love of God, I did not.”
“You wanted him though.”
“No!” she denied it to her soul. “I had his child and I had love for him, but I was not in love with him. I am confused.
“You admit you loved him?”
“I loved them both. I didn’t ever consider this as an outcome. All I ever wanted, back then, was for them to be a family and I was thrilled to contribute to it for them. None of this makes sense.”
“You had to have given him reason. What did you do? Did he see you naked?”
“No. I told you. He was respectful. Mindy saw me naked, and she wasn’t writing me letters professing undying love and devotion she was too scared to reveal.” His silence told her he didn’t believe her, and she wanted to scream with the frustration. “I’m telling the truth.”
“I knew my brother.”
“Clearly you did not.” She snapped back, her anger getting the better of her. “It seems he kept a lot of secrets from you. He kept the fact he had a surrogate. He kept his wife mental illness hidden. He kept his anger about how his family’s expectations of him made him be a man he was ashamed to be.”
“What? How dare you?”
“He said it bluntly in one of the letters. I quote, if my family did not have such unrealistic expectation of how a man is supposed to live, I would be living the life I want and not the one I’m forced to be in.”
“He didn’t,” he whispered as if confused.
“I want you to read them.” She blurted out. “I want you to read the letters. They vindicate me completely. He says it more than once how he wished he would have been brave enough to tell me how he felt.” She gulped loudly, “Royal, you must understand, I would never, not ever, have gone after a married man.”
“What if he’d been single?”
“He wasn’t and I wasn’t interested in him in such a way. I never entertained the thought. I am not a homewrecker. I believed with all my heart and all my soul I was helping them build their home, not wreck
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Chapter 13
it.” She took a breath. “You know Royal, my life was good before you popped up weeks ago. Occasionally, I thought of the family I helped. I thought of the little girl and wondered how she was and what she looked like. I might work two jobs and I might not have a fancy car and a big house or shiny shoes, but my life is full of love. I have a brother who is going to graduate and make something of himself. I have neighbors I care for, and I have friends I meet with, and I have a good life. I never once wished I had something which wasn’t mine to covet.”
“Famke,”
“No. I’m done. Leave me alone. I’ll send these letters back to the return address on the box. He never intended for me to read them, and I feel I have violated a dead man’s privacy in doing so. You can do with them what you want. Just stop bothering me.” And with that, she hung up and let the tears fall.
